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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, my phone buzzed. It was my boss. He was like, “Where’s that remix?” I was like, “Dude, chill! Power outage!” I could feel my blood boiling. But I just took a deep breath. I mean, it’s not the end of the world, right?

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